Betrothed and DownRight Horny
by Lace Brandon Whitlock
Summary: Harry's to marry Voldemort. Draco's found his inner dancer. Snape is spreading the love. Dumbledore's pregnant. The Weasley twins are heart-broken. Review!


**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns everything. The characters, the plot, and everything else. But the idea to write it in Draco's point of view was all me.**

**Blaire Z.**

**Betrothed and Down-Right Horny**

"I'm what!?" Harry flared at Dumbledore, his eyes literatly shooting sparks.

Unfazed, Dumbledore patted out the fires that had started on his periwinkle and mustard colored robe. "Promised in marriage to Voldemort. Or Snape. Or was it Lucius Malfoy?" He thoughtfully stroked his beard, trying to remember exactly what the plot was to this particular story he was in. "Ah, well, I'm sure it'll come to me. You still must meet Voldemort."

"And if I refuse?" Harry threw himself into his chair, having it slide backwards and slam into the wall.

"You simply can't, dear boy," Dumbledore looked horrified. "It simply isn't done in things like these."

"Who initated this?" Harry asked crossly. "If it was Draco, I already _told_ him that I thought we should start fuc- er... seeing other people. That git."

"I believe it was Voldemort himself." Dumbledore handed him a scroll.

__

Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,

I want Harry Pooter. I want to fu... kill... er, talk to him. Just talk. That's all. All about our upcoming org... uh, bonding. Send him to me this Friday with Draco Malfoy. I do believe they still see eachother regularly. Oh, and he should be dressed simply... No robes...

Your-completely-supirior-and-ten-times-better-than-you Dark Lord Voldemort

P.S. Tell Harry that a Playboy bunny costume is also acceptable.

"And you're going to have me do this?" Harry asked when he finished reading it.

"Of course. Otherwise how else are we going to move this story along?We've got to add in the smash, kinky sex, conflict, and angst," Sirius chimed in. "Although I think I'm supposed to be upset about this..."

Remus smacked him over the head. "Obviously, you filthy mutt. _I_'_m_ the understanding one."

"Right, right. So..." He jumped out of the chair and yelled, "This is preposterous!" and sat cak done. "There, that'll be enough anger, I think."

Harry stormed out of the room using his trademark Angry Exit Number

Three, the castle shaking at his over-done anger. "Rawr," he said. Liking the sound, he continued as he stomped out. "Rawr, rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr..."

"So I should go get him and apparate him over to the Dark Lord?" Draco asked.

"You can't apparate or dis-apparte in or out of the castle. Haven't you ever read-" Remus' scolding was interupted.

"Hogwarts-A History. Yes, I know. But being transported outside the grounds would take far too long and this story could loose readers!" Draco's eyes widened in horror as he finished.

Meanwhile...

Harry looked at a picture of Voldemort that had been lying convieniently on his bed with a pleasant look on his face. "Maybe this will work out after all..."

Twenty-Four Hours Later...

Harry whipped out his handy dandy dayplanner and flipped through the pages. "I can pencil you in on Sarurday," he said idly to Voldemort. "But only if you take the last half of the day. The first half is set aside for Blaise."

"BUT YOU ARE TO BE MINE!" Voldemort yelled, so loudly that the people in the portraits on the wall ran away and made the gathered guests jump.

"And you will be penciled in like everybody else. Just because you are an evil dictator doesn't mean you can't share," Harry chided calmly.

Suddenly Snape ran into the room and threw himself at Harry. "No! Harry, don't do it! Don't marry him, Harry! I love you and I never want anyone else!"

Snape swept the boy into his arms and giggled, twirling Harry around and laughing giddily.

"Oh, Sevvy! I've been waiting for you to realize it!" Harry squeeled. "Take me now, my lover!"

Severus threw Voldemort a triumphant glance and ran out of the room with Harry over his shoulder.

Two very confused Weasley twins stared at the door. "But Sevvy! I thought you loved us!"

Meanwhile...

Dumbledore looked at himself in his full-length mirror, which was the sight McGonagall walked into when she went to ask him if she and Fillius could have the day off to get dirty in the closet.

"Minerva! Wonderful news!" Dumbledore said, grinning.

McGonagall's attention was drawn to his bulging stomache. "Oh for the love of- Why you disgusting foul old tarty whoremongering arse-fucked son of a git! Who knocked you up this time!?"

Meanwhile...

Draco danced around his room grinning hugely. "I'm the Slytherin Ice Princey Sex God who outdoes all other Sex Gods and my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!"

Harry had ditched Snape. Believe it or not, he'd knocked up the headmaster! How repulsive... Such a show of bad taste.

But now he had his Drakie-poo. "Oh, baby! Marry me!"

But Draco wasn't paying attention. "My humps! My humps! My lovely lady lumps!"

"Draco?"

"Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I'm hot! Oh, yes!"

"Draco..."

"Don't you wish your boyfriend was _hot_ like me? Don't you? Don't you baby? Don't you."

Harry's eye twitched and he saw red. "Oh, for the love of- I DO WISH MY BOYFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE YOU! WAIT, HE IS! BECAUSE HE _IS_ YOU! SO BE MY SEXY BOYFRIEND AND RIDE ME, DAMMIT!"

Draco blinked. "Well, why didn't you just say so? I've been needing a good fuck."

And they lived happily ever after... At least until Fred and George caught Harry's attention while moping over Severus' betrayal... Then they all got dirty in the closet, and sometimes Draco danced for them...


End file.
